Rules around the Table

While we were traveling to Dezhou, Jinshui told us that some things would be more formal there than in Huzhou. For example, he explained about protocol at the dinner table.

First, where you sit. There is a strict seating arrangement - the number one host sits at the top of the table. The number one guest sits at his or her right. The number two host sits at the bottom of the table, directly across from the number one host. The number two guest sits at his or her left. The interpreter for the host sits on the right side of the number one guest. And so on. In the picture on the left, I am sitting next to the Vice Mayor of Dezhou - the number one host at the meal - and Jinshui is on his left.

We learned that you can usually tell where the number one host will sit by looking at the way the table is set. The napkin is the key. The napkin at the number one host's place might be a different color, or it might be folded differently from the others. In the picture on the right, which was an informal lunch, we named Jinshui the number one host, and he sat at the place with the napkin folded like two fans, a much more elaborate presentation than the other napkins on the table.

Second, who toasts first. The number one host always makes the first toast near the beginning of the meal to welcome the guests to the table. The number one guest should make a reciprocal toast soon after to acknowledge the generosity of the host in inviting the party to the meal. The number two host makes the next toast, then the number three host, then the number four host, and so on. At some meals, there were as many people wandering around the table to make toasts as there are people eating dinner. At formal meals, most of the toasting is done by the hosts. In less formal settings, the guests can join in the toasting melee.

In the picture on the left, Lucille Wesnofske is toasting Mr. Sun, the number one host, late in the meal. In the picture on the right, Madame Jun Yun Ma, the Lingxian county executive and number two host, toasts John Barber. That lunch was at a restaurant near a reservoir in which much of our lunch (various varieties of local fish) grew to catchable size.

Third, the order of the meal. First the waitresses bring appetizer type dishes - fresh cucumbers, steamed lettuce, dried meat, and other dishes like that - and put them on the turntable. Then they generally bring individual cups of soup to every diner, often a sweet soup to begin the meal. If you are the number one guest, I learned, it is wise not to get too involved in eating until the number one host makes the first toast. You probably don't want to stand for the toast with a mouthful of food. Throughout the meal, waitresses bring most dishes family style and put them on the turntable. Gradually, the appetizer dishes, if not emptied, get pushed into the center of the table.

You'll find that the more elaborate meals are brought to the table later in the meal. Some times it is a large tureen with chicken or tofu or fish in a broth. Other times it may be duck with scallions, sauce, and pancakes. During the meal, the waitresses will bring individual portions of some dishes, especially soup to your place. At some meals I found I had three glasses (water, tea and wine), plus a soup bowl and one or two plates in front of me.

You can tell when a meal is in its final stages when the waitresses serve noodles, rice or dumplings. The second to the last thing that appears on the table is one of those three things. And last, but not least, the dessert is brought out, which invariably includes watermelon. That was my favorite part of the meal! The watermelon was usually served with other fruit, lychee, pears, other types of melon, berries, etc.

Fourth, can you just say no? Jinshui told us that often the host sitting next to us would serve us a portion of food from the communal dish. This did happen to me often, and fortunately it was always something I liked. I also found that if I ate all of it, the host would spoon another portion on my plate when the turntable brought the dish around again. I learned to eat most of it, but not all. I asked if I could refuse to try something, and he said, "you can....." I filled in the blank - ...but you might insult your host. I tried everything, even donkey, and survived.

The meal ends when the number one host stands up and makes the last toast of the meal. At the point, everyone drops his or her utensils and walks away from the table.